This year there’s a rash of psychological quizzes appearing that claim to be able to tell a lot about people from the clothing they wear.  In fact, this kind of questionnaire, called pop psychology, is totally unreliable for a number of reasons: not least being that it never gives more than four answers so you find yourself shoe-horned into a category of person that might not actually match you very well at all.  I shall never forget sitting in an airport where my flight had been delayed and watching a group of elderly Catholic nuns fill in the quizzes in a woman’s magazine.  One question was ‘what would you do if a man asked you out to dinner and you didn’t have time to go home from work and change’. They crossed out the (a), (b) and (c) answers and wrote in ‘Go to Mother Superior and confess I had been led astray’! Anyway, the point is, that about the only items of clothing that are at all reliable in terms of psychological assessment are shoes and T-shirts.

Why?

Because both are relatively cheap, not bounded by social convention (for example a grey suit is de rigeur for a wedding, but unacceptable for work in the Square Mile) and come in a wide enough range of sizes, styles and prices to allow the individual to make choices related to their personality (unlike, say, hats, which tend to come in at most four styles and six colours every season).  So what, basically, does a T-shirt say about you? 

• Pink and glittery = assuming you’re a woman, you are fun to be with, but probably not considered mature or responsible by your colleagues (however, a man in a pink T-shirt is seen as unreliable by women, but reliable by men – go figure!)

• With a slogan = you need to communicate, often having strong political or social views and think humour is important to social interactions

• Branded = you need reassurance about your choices in life.

 T-shirt courtesy of psd

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Pete Wentz, Fall Out Boy bassist, has taken his Clandestine Industries collection, mainstream. His teen fashion line is now going to be available at select Nordstrom stores, as well as at www.clandestineindustries.com. Basically, the hoodies, T-shirts and tank tops he designs are exactly the kind of thing his girlfriend Ashlee Simpson is seen wearing in paparazzi photographs. The skinny-jean wearing bassist says he’s always been keen on ‘creative stuff’ which is nice to know when you’re laying out £20 for a T-shirt.

If that sounds a little downmarket, how about Gap?  Yes, at least across the pond in America, Gap is aiming to upscale its target audience, beginning with a limited-edition line of T-shirts designed by contemporary artists like Kenny Scharf, Barbara Kruger and Kiki Smith for just £14 to £40.  A design by Chuck Close features the artist’s 2002 black-and-white rendering of composer Philip Glass, while others created new work for their T-shirts. Rirkrit Tiravanija’s design reads, The days of this society are numbered in plain orange lettering, which echoes the Katherine Hamnett school of T-shirt design. No Banksy though!  If you want to get your hands on one, you need to buy American – they are on sale at Gap stores across the USA but not here.

  Pete Wentz courtesy of AudreyLynne Shines

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No, not those rather tacky things that seem to be particularly popular with American newlyweds, the ones that say ‘just married’ and a date (as if strangers could find a way to care, and as if family and friends didn’t already know!) but T-shirts for the invitees and participants.

Wedding favours are a hassle for everyone, and perhaps the simplest way to deal with the issue is to find a sympathetic T-shirt printer and get them to help you organise a printing for everyone.  The participants: bridesmaids, ushers, and ring-bearers etc if you have them, can have a personalised top that bears their name and their role in the wedding. If your parents are good sports, give them Mother of the Bride etc T-shirts too, but be sure they’ll appreciate the joke – it can fall flat at the reception if they were expecting something a little more upmarket. The guests can have a generic T-shirt and some popular choices are: 

• Friend of Bride/Groom

• Team Bride/Groom

• Wedding Party!

• Wedding Crasher (like the film, but not everybody gets it, so be sure you tell any bar staff etc that the T-shirts come from you, or you may find guests who pull their favours on immediately getting ejected from the establishment!)

And a big hit last year was the happy couple’s initials turned into a monogram, it was seen at Surrey wedding parties as if it was obligatory.

Just Married courtesy of lesruba

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It seems that inappropriate clothing is catching people out all over the world at present.  In the USA the Papa John’s pizza chain has apologised to the Cleveland Cavaliers after it produced a T-shirt with LeBron James’s number on it, and the word crybaby underneath. The T-shirt commemorates a nasty incident in a recent games between the Cavaliers and the Washington Wizards – after leBron James complained about overly hard fouls during the play off between the two teams.  This led to Wizards’ player Brendan Haywood, calling James a ‘crybaby’ and gave rise to the unfortunate promotional T-shirt – it’s going to cost the chain a packet too, as a wider apology they are selling 23 cent pizzas to Clevelend residents – 23 is leBron’s shirt number! 

And future Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has been given notice of a fight in the making.  He plans to appoint Roberto Calderoli to his cabinet, but the far-right MP has cause literal death and riots in the past, as a result of being interviewed on television wearing a T-shirt bearing a caricature of the Prophet Muhammad. As a direct result of this appearance the Italian consulate in Libya was set on fire, 11 people were killed and another 69 injured in riots. Now the son of General Ghaddafi has warned that the same thing could happen again if Calderoli is give a cabinet post.

Lebron James in the 23 shirt courtesy of ChrisChappeleur

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No, not another post about whether the Pope or George Clooney is more popular, because the answer is becoming increasingly clear: it’s the Pope. As well developing his own line of snazzy T-shirts to celebrate his US tour, he’s featured on a goalie’s front … there’s just one problem, it’s the wrong Pope!

Celtic’s goalkeeper Artur Boruc caused another storm of controversy last week (it’s not his first storm, he attracts them like Wimbledon fortnight does) dividing Scottish football fans into two unequal, and very noisy, groups. As the Pole took the applause of the home faithful at the end of the Hoops’ 3-2 Old Firm victory over their most bitter rivals, Rangers, he removed his player’s shirt to reveal an immediately controversial T-shirt underneath. It showed not Benedict XVI, the current pontiff, but Pope John Paul II and read ‘God bless The Pope’.

Gordon Strachan poured oil on the fire in his after-match comments.  The Celtic manager laughed off the incident with the peculiar comment, ‘He’s not a bad lad, to be fair,’ without making clear whether he was referencing the former head of the Catholic Church or the goalie. ‘If it was “God bless Myra Hindley”, I might have a problem,’ he concluded, leaving us all to wonder exactly what goes on in the average footballer’s, or football manager’s, head! 

Celtic fans celebrating in their usual style courtesy of dustpuppy

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A team of scientists in Portugal have designed a t-shirt that could save lives. The Vital Jacket, designed by BioDevices, continuously monitors heart rate and ECG waves so that those living with acute heart problems can be constantly updated on their physical condition.  And it’s expected to transfer to the fitness market too - especially in upmarket gyms.  There are two versions, one that stores all its heart monitoring data on an SD memory card for further analysis on a PC later on, whereas people wearing the HWM200 boasts can keep track of their vital signs in real time via a smartphone or PDA. There’s only one downside – all that complex technology means you can’t put it in the washing machine.

If you’ve had a breast cancer diagnosis, you probably spent some time feeling less than great about your appearance.  But now you can be a supermodel on the catwalk at the Breast Cancer Care Scotland fashion show. The Daily Mail in Scotland has partnered the charity to search for two truly super models - one female and one male - to represent the Sunday Mail at the show. They and eighteen others with breast cancer will strut their stuff at this glittering fundraising event. There will be two shows on Thursday, September 25, at Glasgow’s Radisson SAS Hotel. If you want to show how look and feel great, despite your diagnosis, please download an application form from http://events.breastcancercare.org.uk/server/show/nav.75  or call 0141 221 2244. Hurry up though - the deadline is tomorrow!    

Gym courtesy of combust

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So what, exactly, can you print on a T-shirt? As previously mentioned, Peterborough City Council recently failed to see the funny side of David Pratt’s Los Angeles purchased T-shirt.  He was given an £80 penalty notice after wearing a top with the slogan: Don’t piss me off! I am running out of places to hide the bodies. After an official complaint was made to the council, street wardens told Mr Pratt his T-shirt could cause offence or incite violence. He faces an on-the-spot fine from the police if he wears it again. And it all came as a huge shock to Mrs Pratt who purchased the souvenir T-shirt for her husband during an American holiday.

The problem arises because what you can and can’t print on a T-shirt is not set in law – instead it’s a question of interpretation. What one person might find funny, another could find insulting and using offensive, abusive, or insulting language is a criminal offence under the Public Order Act.  What a lot of people don’t realise is that the same rule applies to printed words as spoken ones - so although Mrs Pratt doesn’t consider the offending word to be a swear word, other people might well do so.

And it’s not even necessary for someone to make an official complaint for the police to act, they just have to think a T-shirt might offend a hypothetical third party.  As an example one shopkeeper was threatened with arrest for displaying a toddler’s T-shirt in his shop window that had the slogan: Winner of the egg and sperm race.  Police said they had received a complaint that the garment was offensive and would have to be removed from the window of a clothes shop in Brighton.

Probably the most high-profile row over offensive slogans is the French Connection advertising campaign which used FCUK. In 2003, a shop keeper was asked by police to remove an “offensive” T-shirt from a window display. It showed a drawing of a naked woman straddling her male lover, with the slogan ‘the Joy of fcuk’ underneath. However, it’s not clear whether the image or the wording, or both, were judged to be “offensive”.  The slogan certainly riled the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA), which upheld 26 complaints about the logo. However, the slogan alone (without accompanying image) was eventually allowed in adverts – but only after being registered as a trademark.

FCUK courtesy of Paulo Fernando Dias de OLiveira

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